Carrying your baggage into your next relationship


I had a great discussion with a friend yesterday who read my post True love isn’t found, it’s built. He had six long term relationships in his life all lasting 4-10 years. He’s in his 70’s now and he’s living alone and he tells me he’s lonely.

After talking about life, love and freedom, he said something really profound that got me thinking. He said that he never realized until recently that every relationship he’s had with the women he’s loved fell into the same pattern and that he was the cause of it all along. It’s like he was confessing it to someone for the first time, so I listened intently.

He said that the issues that lost him the first love of his life was the same issue that lost him the last.

He tells me that if you can’t resolve your own issues, you’re simply going to be carrying your baggage into the next relationship. I thought that was interesting. He said that if he was to do it over again he would have put in more effort.

Relationships are hard. It’s easy to blame, to hide the truth, to ignore, to escape or to give up the minute things get hard.

It must be even harder these days considering the new world of dating apps. It’s so easy to quit and move on. A simple swipe right and you’re on to the next.

The hard thing to do is to look at where things may be going wrong, to face that difficult conversation with your partner and to actually put in the work needed for the sake of true love.

Also published on Medium.

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